When it comes to Spring yard-work I have, over the years, developed certain habits & rituals of prepping my gardens. One such habit is raking leaves. I enjoy the physicality of the work, the discovery of the shoots of green that manage to grow under the dark, cold, mucky leaf covering, and I even get smug satisfaction from my lightly calloused hands. This year, however, my raking happy place had to make room for the leaf blower.
You see, my hubby broke his leg (that’s a whole other blog post!) and was unable to take on this job, HIS job. So one brisk spring morning, he gleefully handed over the ear plugs, the gloves, and the mighty leaf blower -- exhibiting full confidence in my ability. I on the other hand was overcome with a chorus of voices, all fueled by fear:
-The voice of Distrust: what if this power tool exploded the minute I turned it on?
-The voice of Incompetence: I will never succeed at this, and will blow more leaves into the garden than out of it, which I will have to rake out later anyway.
-The Judging & Comparing voice: I will never be as good as my husband at this, why even bother, I’m defeated before I begin.
-The Rigid voice: I don’t DO leaf blowers, this is just a fact, that’s not how I’ve ever gardened, why start now?
As I stood there, in the garden, deafened by the churn and chatter of all of these voices in my head, my hubby started up the leaf blower and placed it in my gloved hand. Reluctantly I began to move leaves, at first very tentatively and then before I knew it, I was unstoppable. I moved large piles of leaves across the yard, in majestic dancing swirls, feeling immense satisfaction at the efficiency and impact of this amazing machine. I was a bad-ass: with a power tool in one hand while letting go of the self-doubt from the other.
When I reflect back on this day, I understand that that feeling of power came from facing and overcoming the negative beliefs and limitations that I had convinced myself were intractable. I surprised myself and showed up in a way that I never imagined I could. I also had fun! I don’t ever remember smiling as much when raking.
I get it now: leaf blowers have their place in garden prep. And I also get how pushing myself beyond a completely artificial self-limiting view has its place in my own ongoing personal development. Yay me! (and yay for my husband for believing in me, when I so clearly did not)
What are you not saying YES to? What voices are holding you back? Who is your biggest cheerleader?
Oh, now I get it!
Have you ever found yourself having one of those Oh-now-I-get-it-moments? They just seem to kind of happen, and then you realize, “oh…so this is what all the fuss was about, I get it now.” It’s like you finally tap into this deep wisdom that’s been lurking under your nose all along, but that you’ve just been unable to see. It’s a combination of the obvious with a dash of Oprah-level “aha”. In this blog, I will be sharing some of my experiences with these kinds of moments as they show up in my life on a pretty regular basis! Enjoy!